you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
