i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize