we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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