just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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