Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
