Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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