why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize