and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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