i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
