Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
