Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
