oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
