dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
