Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
