dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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