State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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