he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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