Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
