forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You smell like stripper and shame
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
