Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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