Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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