yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
