Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
