He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize