I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize