she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize