too bad you live with your parents still
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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