Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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