Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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