Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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