I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
