I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
