just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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