I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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