ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
