I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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