Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
