The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
