cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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