weddingsv make me drug and hornr
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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