I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
