Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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