I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
