last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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