I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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