Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
