i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
