apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
