i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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