I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
