so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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