im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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