I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
