I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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