dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
