New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was not drunk enough for that final.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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