There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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