Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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