seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
