I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
