she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
