Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
