Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
