He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize