chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
