Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
