As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
