I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
