highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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