Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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