I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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