i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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