I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
