Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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