I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
