I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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